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Wednesday, May 21, 2008
i decide...how i live
"Don't let anyone tell you that you're not strong enough"
I would like to begin with an apology to people whom I might've hurt knowingly or unknowingly.
I might have reacted irrationnally in school today.
Let me just say what's on my mind.
The issue about my drastic weight loss have been a talked about thing for some time now. I really appreciate that you guys are concerned about me. Though I have been saying a couple of times how much I want to be thin, I am trying to change now. I am eating more than usual now, am eating greens (mainly kangkong) and doing more weightlifting tasks thanks to work.
I know I might not be as tough as other people but I am working on it.
When I say I have been fat before, I really mean it.
I have been in TAF club when I was in school.
I have been teased about being fat before.
I've been wanting to be thin since 4 years ago.
I thought I would be happier if I were thinner but I don't see myself getting happier.
Sometimes, what I see in myself and what you guys see in me are totally different.
Give me time.
After today, I am definitely going to do something about myself.
I realised I am a problematic person.
I wonder when I will finally find true happiness.
I've been praying for happiness since forever and every year on my birthday.
But it never come true.
And the only reason why I made up all these imaginary characters like Wals and Wally is because I'm trying to fool myself.
And like what almost everyone desires, attention.
Come on, you'll be lying if you don't want attention.
I want to make things clear about why I am always moody on Fridays.
I just feel lonely.
When everybody's laughing at something, I just feel like I don't belong.
And that's when I feel like being alone can sometimes be the best feeling one can ever feel.
So, if I am ever moody on Fridays, just get used to it.
Those long walks from School of Business to McDonald's or Library are actually quite good for lonely people.
I am actually quite tired out.
And I am running out of words to say.
Till I see you again.
Goodnight.
Hannah Montana plasters from Guardian.